The Checklist Family

CHECKLIST MOMMY

  • Was once told by a high school teacher that she would never find a husband, because she talks too much
  • Has a few expensive, fancy degrees of higher education. And a trophy from her kids proclaiming “World’s Best Mom.” Trophy has proved itself more useful than fancy degrees, because at least it can be used as a paperweight. It cost a lot less, too. And no, she doesn’t believe she is the World’s Best Mom. She is satisfied with being Not The Worst.
  • Also, she can get all four of her kids to nap at the same time. That counts for something.
  • She would like to think she is a fairly pragmatic person.
  • That said, she does not adjust well to surprises. Or bedrest.
  • She is really really really into making lists. She is trying to get better at delegating.

MR. BIG (IDEAS)

  •  Professional Schemer. Imaginative and ballsy entrepeneur. Has the bad fortune to be married to The Checklist Mommy, who is none of these things, and has been known to tell him some of his Big Ideas are not so hot. Those Big Ideas almost always are huge winners for other people, two or three years later. Which is why he is an imaginative and ballsy entrepreneur, and The Checklist Mommy is not. Also, this is why Checklist Mommy is the one in charge of QuickBooks.
  • The Checklist Mommy is also not nearly as playful, adventurous, flexible, or loyal as Mr. Big (Ideas) is.  She should probably try to learn from his example, but is mostly fine with letting him do those things for / instead of her. She considers this delegating.

E. DIDDY

  • Our first-born. Has a very rigid black/white sense of Justice and Fairness — she gets this from her father.
  • Is habit-oriented and bossy — she gets this from her Mom.
  • Looks before she leaps. Is very proud of herself for mastering the rings at gymnastics, but dude, spent the first three months of gymnastics screaming her head off about how much she hated gymnastics, especially the rings. She gets this sort of behavior from her Mom.
  • Fantastic storyteller. At school, her stories are always the longest ones with the most specific details. Bet you didn’t know the Pilgrims brought Diet Coke with them on the Mayflower. She gets the Diet Coke references from her Dad.
  • Makes friends more easily than anyone The Checklist Mommy has ever known. Never met a kid at the playground she didn’t like.
  • Has an incredible memory. For everything you have ever told her, or she has ever done. If The Checklist Mommy could bottle this, she could make a million dollars and also drink the stuff for breakfast and stop with all the lists, already.

BABY GAGA

  • Would like you to know she is not a Baby. She is a Big Girl. Like Diddy.
  • Never saw a couch / chair / stool / table she couldn’t climb / fall off of. Spent the first two years of her life with an enormous purple bump on her head. Loved gymnastics from the moment she walked into the gym.
  • She Can Do it Herself!
  • Total drama queen. Have her show you her Angry Face. Can turn on the tears in an instant, too … especially when you’re yelling at her. Then, through the tears: “But Mommy, I love you!” Yep. She’s that good.
  • Insists on sleeping with a huge collection of stuffed animals, dolls, and a piggy bank. She calls these things her “kids.”
  • Cuddliest. Child. On. Earth. Is always good for a hug. And completely indiscriminate about it. Will hug cats, dogs, children, adults, complete strangers. You would think, watching her race across the school playground to hug her teachers at drop-off, that no one ever hugs poor Gaga at home.
  • Has impressive rhythm and perfect pitch. She gets this from her Aunt Checklist.

PANCAKE

  • So-called because he is constantly being flattened. In his first six months of life, this child was stepped on and jumped on. He was smushed in the womb, too — Pancake was Baby A, packed down into Mommy’s pelvis by his twin brother.
  • Emotionally, Pancake is an open book. He lets you know when he’s hungry or tired. He smiles easily, and intensely — this is a kid who feels everything to extremes.
  • He is fascinated by color, or by toys that move. He’s the one who stares hard at the pictures in his bedtime books. Checklist Mommy thinks he’s going to be an artist.
  • Quick to cry, quick to calm — all this one needs is a hug and he’s happy.
  • The Checklist Mommy worries that all of these qualities are going to make high school difficult for him. He seems a lot like her.

SAUSAGE

  • Because his thighs look like … well … sausages.
  • Keeps things close to the vest. Rarely cries. Doesn’t let anything bother him too much. He’s a chill kid. He doesn’t smile as easily as his brother, but when he does … He seems a lot like the boys Checklist Mommy was into in high school.
  • Also, he’s probably going to be the one selling weed.


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